Kamui's super awesome yes good christmas adventure
by Huggawugga2
Summary: Cars, plot bunnies, manga refrences, action-packed rips through space and time, broken backbones and more! A crackfic documenting TRC Kamui's cracky adventure to alleveate his bordem. First fic ever. No pairings, 'cause we all need a break sometimes.
1. The begining of the insanity

Title: Kamui's super awesome yes good christmas adventure!!111

Pairings: None, 'cause we all need a break sometimes.

Warnings: !crack! and extreme OOCness

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Kamui was bored.

His brother was trapped in a giant balloon thing, some idiot was chasing/trying to molest them, and all the people in this demension ran around screaming something about acid rain.

What is this, the 60's?

But, despite everything, Kamui was still bored. He had been angsting in a small, dark closet about exsistance in general when an idea hit him.

And thus, with this possibly stupid (and very OOC) plan, he set off to make his life less unexciting.

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Somehow, through some uber cool action packed rip through space and time, he ended up...

...At Yuuko's shop.

"Hey witch."

"Yes, Messy haired emo brother of Subaru?"

"I wanna car."

Yuuko made a classic "wtf" face. (1)

"Say what?"

"I-a. Want-a. A-a. Car-a."

"Sorry, can't do that."

A wave of angish and misery washed over Kamui. His very heart, no, his very _SOUL_ cried out in pain, and tears flooded from his eyes, like angsty rivers of sadness. Every muscle in his body shook from the strain of his tortured soul being trapped within him. "Why?...WHY?" He screamed out to the heavens. "WHY MUST FATE WITH HER CRUEL TEMPTATIONS HARM ME SO?!"

He was having a true Kamui-angst breakdown.

Just like every other week.

Yuuko, watching this spectacular performance of angst, finshed her statment.

"...Because your wish is not unrealistic enough."

Kamui snapped out of his complete emo spaz.

"Say what?"

" Yes. Your wish has to be something cooler. I mean, a car? Come one. Wish for something more manga-story-like. Like a way to break an old family curse, or a book that can kill someone just by knowing their name or face. (2) All, of course, with a price that will utterly change you forever, thus making your character more admirable, and more worthy of being put into yaoi fan-fiction by crazed fangirls."

"Screw that, I want a car!"

"Then throw a Super-Sweet-16 party. You'll get 7 of them."

With that, Kamui marched out of her shop, walking right over Watanuki (who then totally spazzed out in a fit that lasted for 3 hours), broke a few windows, tipped over a few tables, and threw Mokona a few football field's distance.

Yuuko, looking at the messy shop, freaking-out Watanuki and absent Mokona, sighed.

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Kamui was angsting all across town, screaming, pushing, punching and generally being a crazy wack-job when another OOC idea came to him.

He knew, that he would get his car this time.

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(1) Wtf face Oo

(2) If you don't know which series this is refering to, read more manga.

Well, that was cracky. XD Please excuse it if it's crappy, as this is my first fanfic. Chapter 2 will be up sometime towards the end of June. Reviews yes and more chappies!

Huggawugga2


	2. Subaru gets dragged into the madness

"So, I just sign these papers, and the car is mine?" Kamui asked.

"Yes. Just be back tommorow with the old one, and we'll give you a brand new car!" Said the car dealership deskman.

"So my destruction of Yuuko's shop, Watanuki's backbone, and possibly space and time itself was worth it?"

"Um...What?"

An akward scilence filled the room.

"ThanksforthecarandsuchitwasreallyniceofyouandIappriciateitverymuchbutIreallyhavetogosobye!!"

With that, Kamui sprinted out of the building.

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Kamui was (for once) absolutely pleased with his life, as he was about to finally get a car.

Why, you ask, does Kamui (a vampire with no apparent need for one) want a car?

Well, why not?

But, I disgress...

Through another action-packed rip through space and time, Kamui returned home to Acid Tokyo.

"Am I the only one who thinks that sounds like a drug trip?" Said Kamui, mercilessly breaking the fourth wall.

Kamui walked toward the giant abcess/ball thing that was keeping his brother captive, reached in, and pulled his brother out.

"Kamui!" Subaru cried. "I'm supposed to wake up when the angst train departs from the station!"

"...What the hell does that mean?"

"What do you think?"

Kamui ignored the apparernt insanity of his brother.

"We have to go. Now."

"If I go now, the plot of the actual story will be ruined!"

"Plots are overrated. Let's go!"

As both vampire twins started running, something crossed Subaru's mind.

"Why exactly are we running?"

"Because if we don't, the warranty on my new car may expire!"

"...Say what now?"

"There's our ride over there! Let's go!"

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Subaru almost fainted when he saw what "our ride" was.

There, in front of what seemed to be a giant hole into space, was a giant rabbit.

It was pure white with red eyes, not unlike a killer rabbit he'd seen in a movie once.

What was even weirder was that the word "PLOT" was branded on its side.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" Subaru cried in a moment of sanity.

"It's a plot bunny. We'll be riding it to the next part of the story."

"Where exactly are we riding to?"

"Through that demisional hole."

"So, we're basically riding a giant bunny through a hole leading to another universe?"

"That was suprisingly sexual."

Owned.

Kamui sighed. "Just get on the rabbit and go."

Thus, riding on a giant plot bunny, the two went on to a new world.

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What new world will the twins arrive at? Will Kamui get his car? Why must Subaru come along? And what about poor Watanuki's spinal cord? Find out next time in Kamui's super awesome yes good christmas adventure!

Next chappy up after my 2-week vaction, Maybe before if I'm feeling creative. Review are always welcomed and wanted!

Huggawugga2 


	3. Does this make Subaru a prostitute?

After a huge and overly dramtic display of all the colors of the spectrum and then some, Kamui and his twin arrived at the car dealership, still on the rabbit.

...Which then died for no apparent reason.

Not one to give up a free meal, Kamui bent down and started drinking its blood.

"Kamui, that's disgusting." Said Subaru.

"Hey, at least I suck from the neck, unlike you."

"What?"

"What?"

"Nevermind. Let's just go get my car."

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As they walked through the dealership, Subaru came to his senses and noticed something.

"Waitaminute. Why do you have to take me to a car dealership?"

Kamui ignored this question, and walked up the desk.

"Welcome to Subaru car dealership. How may I help you?" Said the lady at the desk.

"Hi. I'm Kamui, and I had a trade-in scheduled half a hour ago."

"Yes. Wait just a moment."

5 hours worth of DMV funness later...

"Okay Mr. Kamui, please drive your old car to the front."

As they walked out of the building, Subaru stopped.

"Kamui, what the hell are you trading for this car?"

The moment after Subaru said this, Kamui leaped on to his shoulders.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Come on! The dealership lady is waiting."

"Wait. You're trading ME in for the car?!"

"Yup! The lady said I could trade in my older Subaru model for a new one!"

"You can't sell me!"

"According to this contract, I can."

"I'M YOUR BROTHER, YOU BASTARD!"

"Hey, it can't be that bad. I'm sure they'll give you a nice new owner!"

"I'm not a freaking dog! And besides, can you imagine if I got bought by some creeper?! He could drive me anywhere in the city, then dump me in a ditch after using me to commit crimes!"

"Again with the suprisingly sexual comments again, eh Subaru?"

Time it took for Subaru to completely lose it and kick his brother's ass:

0:02

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One broken arm, two cars destroyed, three people trampled, a few windows broken, ten Rick rolls, four laser incedents and six mysterious heart attacks later...

Kamui finally had his car!

...Which he then crashed into a conviently place fruit stand, having no previous driving experience.

The end!

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Ha! got you!

Kamui got out of his car, and realized that he had run over some one.

"Holy crap I am so sorry!" He said frantically.

The glasses-adorned figure rose up and started yelling something about backbones and lunches.

"AND HE ALWAYS ASKS ME TO COOK AND WHAT DO I GET?! NOTHING?! YOU HEAR ME?! NOTHING!! ...Wait a minute! My spinal cord has conviently realigned itself! I can walk again! Thank you mister!"

"...But I was the one who-"

"For healing me, I shall aid you in your journey! Come! Let's quest for the holy grail!"

"Um...What?"

"No time for dillydaying! We must go!"

And with that, Watanuki grabbed Kamui's arm, and dragged him towards a totally anticlamatic journey.

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Sorry for the wait! Where are Kamui and Watanuki headed for? Will the fruitsell rebuild his stand? And since Subaru has been sold, does that make him a prostitue? Find out next time!

Remember, reviews equal more chapters!

Huggawugga2


	4. The Fourth Wall has been violated

Disclaimer: Don't own these characters, blah blah blah

Watanuki and Kamui galloped around all horse-like, clopping coconuts and such.

About 4 hours into this silliness, Kamui finally said something.

"Watanuki, what the hell is the holy grail for anyway?" Kamui

"I have been requested to bring it to Lady Tomoyo."

"Why?"

"She made some "films" for me."

"Oh." Said Kamui, wanting to wash his brain out with bleach after thinking about that one for a while.

They arrived at the house, Watanuki left, The holy grail was found, the beast of arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggh defeated, etc, etc, etc.

Kaumi (totally out of pure curiosity and not the voyeurism of see a porn maker's house), walked in to Tomoyo's mansion.

Damn, she needed maid. This place was a bloody mess.

Literally.

Blood, guts, and other nasty coroner's room crap were all over the walls, and it absolutely _clashed _with the carpet.

"….What the hell?"

Then out of nowhere, a tall, black-dressed figure with sunglasses bust into the room.

By this point, Kamui wasn't surprised. "Hi Zima."

"This seems to be…Quite a show." He then whipped off his sunglasses, and then put them back on.

"That was relevant."

Zima ignored this. He walked over to one of the walls.

"The blood stains are red. This must mean they have been exposed to oxygen. Dita! Get this one back to the lab!"

"What is this? Mental instability? Insanity? Madness? "

"THIS. IS. CSI. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Immediately, random pictures of some city in Florida began flashing across the place, with extremely loud screaming-I mean music- playing.

Needless to say, it scared Kamui out of his freakin' mind.

"What. The. Fu-"

"Hey listen, a convenient noise." Zima cried, as a truck passed by. He took his glasses off. "It must be related to this case." The glasses were back on.

"What's with the glasses?" Kamui asked, getting pretty ticked off by this point.

"They're a very important part of my character. I'd be nothing without them. You hear me? NOTHING." He said. For good measure, he did the glasses thing again.

"Has the show's quality gone done so much so that a pair of glasses are the most important feature (or, at least, most recognizable) of a character? Has television gone downhill so much that copies of the same show are present almost everywhere, none of which retain the charm and freshness of the original (not to say some of the original series have been running so long that themselves have decayed in quality), and no one does anything about it? You see, no one cares about these questions anymore. People no longer appreciate subtlety, instead resorting to explicit content and crudeness to entertain themselves. Let's face it: television is not on the hell train, but has already arrived there."

After that, Kamui was panting heavily.

Hey, have to have one sexual innuendo per chapter, right?

But anyway…

"Where did that come from?" Said Zima.

"…I read it on the internet."

"Ah."

"Kamui?"

"Yeah?"

"The forth wall has been violated."

* * *

I'm going to get flamed for this.

Sorry for the late update!

Merry/Happy Chistmanukkahanza (I'll enjoy it too, providing I don't get kil


	5. Shinji never had it this bad

*Insert generic disclaimer here*

After walking through the shattered fourth wall into the next room, the two of them became increasingly more disgusted at all of the organs and such plastered around the place.

"I never knew Tomoyo was in to that sort of erotic film." Zima mused.

"Yeah, I wonder why. I mean, blood wouldn't make a very good-"

"Shh! Shut up, Kamui! We have to focus on our next vital mission!"

"Oh God, what now?" Said Kamui, fearing whatever this shitfest of a plot would come up with next.

"Don't complain. This has to be done, for the good of humanity! If we don't do this, then the world may cease to exist as we know it! This is serious business!" Zima cried.

"Okay, what's this 'serious business' that desperately needs attending to?"

There was an audible silence in the air.

"Now come on, tell me before more odd oxymorons happen!"

"We have been given the task of… of…. GAH! I CAN'T SAY IT! IT'S JUST BEYOND IMPOSSIBLE TO COMPREHEND!" He screamed, sinking to his knees in a thoroughly dramatic manner.

"COME ON! GET OUT WITH IT!!!"

"Our task… Our task is to explain what the hell is going in the Tsubasa manga."

No.

No, anything but that.

"Do. You. Know. What. You. Just. Said?"

"Kamui, please stay calm-" Said Zima, in an unexpected mood swing towards sanity.

Kamui, however, swung the other way.

"DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY LIVES HAVE BEEN GIVEN UP TO THIS CAUSE?!!! HOW MANY MINDS, FAMILIES AND RELATIONSHIPS HAVE BEEN BROKEN OVER THIS?!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!! HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT THE ONES WHO HAVE FALLEN BY TAKING ON THIS TASK, _WHICH YOU ARE DESTINED TO FAIL!!!"_

"It's not our choice! We are the only ones who can do this! I was assigned to tell you!" Said Zima, tears streaming down his cheeks, because robots can totally cry.

"WHO THE HELL WOULD ASSIGN THIS METHOD OF SUICIDE?!!"

"The Tsubasa anime OVA producers."

"Ah."

"You see why this is important?"

"Goddamn, this is going to be even harder to explain than Evangelion."

"Isn't that some sort of Freudian thing?"

Kamui sighed.

And thus, the two emo-clad bishie boys were thrust off into their next completely ridiculous mission.

However, confronting the absolute mind-f**k of the Tsubasa plot was only half of Kamui's worries.

The other was something that he feared the most, something that had abused him and tarnished his reputation.

The fandom.

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WOO 8 MONTHS ISN'T THAT LONG OF A WAIT FOR A 403 WORD CHAPTER, IS IT?

Will get the other one up when I have time. Expect much fandumb.

Thanks for reading!

Huggawugga2


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